Go On, Scream

Lulu was in the ruins of the old All Souls church at Oxford Circus in London. She was hiding from the men who were saying that they would “fill up her hole with their loads” She did not know what their load is and if they were talking about her pee hole then ugh that’s disgusting. Their words did not make sense to her, but Baba always said that men “always think about one thing and to never give it to them” She never specified what was this one thing but Lulu was sure she was not going to give it to them. 

She had never wandered around so far from her home in Clapham Junction, but she was bleeding for three days and after that she was very hungry. When she was bleeding she was staying at home in darkness, so nobody knew she was in the basement. Even though Baba covered all the windows with newspapers, Lulu was scared some men could smell her blood and come and take whatever it was she was not supposed to give it to them. Every month, when bleeding happens she feels so weak that she is not able to eat or move, she would not be able to defend herself. So she just lies in the darkness for three days straight. Baba said the darkness would ease her pains and it always does. But once three days were over she was always starving.

This time it was no different. She washed herself, got dressed and hid various sizes of blades in her clothing. She packed Baba’s old A to Z map with lots of notes and lifehacks, even though she knew London by heart. When she looked in the mirror, she noticed her hair grew a bit. Just to be safe she used one of her knives to cut them as short as possible. She still looked like a girl, but from afar it would be harder to notice.

Shame because she was not able to find food nearby and she even went as far as Imperial Wharf to get to the boats, hoping she could get some fish or other creature which lives in the river. She had no luck and soon she saw a group of people in the distance. She flew before they spotted her. Better to be starving than dead, Baba said to her.

She was small and swift so it was easy for her to slip into a small opening in the ruined buildings. She runs away toward Chelsea, hoping that she will find some canned food in the abandoned shops, restaurants or hotels. She considered going by Brompton Cemetery to eat some black berries, however she knew that men like to hide in the empty graves and jump out when you least expect it. So she went through south Kensington and ended up at Harvey Nichols. She entered it by the old staff entrance and went straight up where the food hall used to be. 

The building was empty. Baba said to her once that it used to be a shop with very luxurious products and only rich people with money went there to shop.Lulu could not imagine “having money” She was born in the world without it.  “Something in those shops” Baba was saying “people still don’t want to go there, it is still considered a luxury, even though the building is falling apart. Look for food there” so she did, but only when she was desperate, like now. She did not like those shops, because they had many mannequins and animals. This made her feel like she was watched all the time. But she found the food and water which was a win. 

After feasting on canned meat, tomatoes and dried pasta she went to Hyde park for a dessert – fresh blackberries from the bushes. To her disappointment they were mostly eaten and she only found bushes full of them at the other end of the park, next to Marble Arch. 

In that part of London she needed to have eyes around her head, because the church of fertility’s main building was at Baker Street and the women’s camp was not that far from here, at Harley street. The day was sunny and peaceful. On days like that sometimes she thinks nothing bad can happen. She had this kind of feeling then and once her bucket for blackberries was full she decided to walk to Oxford Circus and go back home via Westminster and Battersea. She was walking through empty buildings, overgrown with trees, flowers and moss. She saw a family of badgers walking towards Brown Heart Gardens at Duke street and a few deers heading to Claridges.   

Baba told her stories how it used to be. Handheld devices with which you could take pictures, listen to music or even ask silly questions and it would answer; events with million people attending them, going to the park for picnics, widely available water, food, books and cloths; that was all fairy tales for her, which she could not even imagine, as she did not know what half of the stuff was and Baba had a difficulty of explaining it.  She was not sure if she would like the world, how it used to be.

Baba also told her about this virus which ended all of it. Women in the 23rd century were getting stronger and more independent. They did not need husbands to take care of them. If they wanted a baby, they just slept with someone and never told the father. Women were fine with that. All over the world whole communities with only women and children were created. Men were used, like women were for centuries. But instead of becoming better like women did, they decided there is no need for women. The virus they created was transmitted from man to woman when a woman got pregnant. The female then felt excellent throughout the whole pregnancy but once the due date came it was a nightmare. Not only did they endure the pain which was described like somebody was tearing their bodies from inside but once the baby was born the woman died. At the beginning a few women survived, only to end up with complications like internal bleeding, sepsis and countless infections and after long suffering they died anyway. 

Men were so proud for a while they were like “yeah we showed them” “we don’t need them” but soon they found out that taking care of the baby by themselves was not that easy. Did they not know that’s why women created those communities? It was overwhelming for men and most babies ended up abandoned or they were dropped off at the woman village. 

“Baba, why women did not fight” Lulu used to ask

“Ahh, they did, but it all went pete tong”  which meant that it did not work

After only 25 years, the virus wiped out 95% of the women population. Only then men realised that actually they needed women to survive, to make human kind survive. Baba was guessing that the men were hoping to come up with some artificial womb to grow children in. Nothing like this happened and this handful of women who survived did not want to get pregnant, did not want to die. Obviously. 

Every single one went into hiding and ever since they were hunted like animals. Once caught they were taken to the camps where they were sacrificed for a human race. Which basically meant that their menstrual cycle was tracked and they were raped everyday of thier fertile days by anyone who was available. 

If, like Baba, they were not pregnant after 5 years in the camp they were realised and usually left alone. They had this stigma of a cursed woman on them and people were afraid of them. Once again, women were undermined by men but this time they took it too far. Revolutions took down the government, riots destroyed buildings and killed millions, looting destroyed the economy. The world was now surviving or dying. People with no hope turned to invisible power, as it happened before. The Church of Fertility led by, of course male monks took over and people believed. Baba used to say “the history repeats itself, but nobody wants to learn, Lulu” Baba did not believe. 

Lulu’s parents were not in the camp, they met in hiding. Her father was a gay man which means he wanted to love another man, not woman. Those kinds of people were hunted as well and their seed was taken from them or they were forced to mate with women. When they could not perform they were highly medicated or intoxicated. How Lulu’s parents got together Baba had no idea, but it happened when they were hiding in her basement temporarily. They were waiting for a transport to a permanent location. When Lulu’s mother found out she was pregnant she did not tell anyone, except the gay man. Baba did not know their names, it was safer that way. She only knew about it when she heard top of the lungs screams coming from the basement. At first she was really angry because they were hiding. Even though people were scared of her, when they heard screams like that they would report it to the monks and monks were not scared of anyone. She went down to tell them off and found the woman with a swollen belly in agony on the floor and a gay man running around like a headless chicken. 

The moment he saw her opening the basement door he ran up, pushed her inside and ran away. “That my dear, was a truthful representation of what all men really are. Scumbags” Lola did not know what a scumbag is, but the way Baba said it she knew it was something very bad. In fact she did not know what most of those words were. When she asked Baba was always saying that she needs to know the story, not the meaning of it. Baba liked to talk but she was not much of a teacher, so Lulu’s speech and understatement of the world was limited. She was not disabled, she was never properly taught how to speak.

After a few hours her mother pushed her out and passed away. With her last breath she said something, which Baba interpreted as “Lulu” and that was what she named the baby girl. She buried the body in her basement just next to her sister and her niece who died years ago. 

Baba and Lulu were peacefully living together in Baba’s house for 12 years. Then Baba died. She was an old woman you see and she saw it all. It was her time. She went peacefully in her sleep. Before she left Lulu, she told her what a girl needs to know to survive in this world. The first and most important rule was to look like a boy all the time.  Lulu dug up a grave in an old woman’s basement and put her there, next to other women. Then, she moved everything from her bed, clothes, food into the basement to be closer to her mum and Baba. 

Of course she was scared, she was only 11 years old. But she was living due to Baba’s rules and laws and she was doing fine. She was avoiding people and talked only with tech guys from selfridges, who were untouchable from the church. Lulu was not sure why. When she found something “techy” which means something with cables or screens she was giving it to them and she got food or nice clothes. One time they gave her something called “lipstick” for free but she did not know what to do with it so she ate it. It did not taste great and it was messy but she had worse things to eat. Baba said they are the only men she could trust.

She was attacked once, but by only two guys who were not much older than her and she defended herself quite well. She just had a small scratch and black eye, but you should see the other guys. Even though she was proud of herself, she knew that if those guys were a bit older it would not be that easy. At that time her breasts started showing, so as Baba advised she started to wear something called a “sports bra”  which flattened her a lot. She started to train even more and become quite skilled. 

Like there was no care in the world she was walking in her disguise through the streets around Oxford Circus when she heard the sound of people talking. She froze for a moment but then heard “There!” without looking back she turned into John’s princes street and sprinted. “I am sure it is a girl! Come on! His highest will be so pleased if we bring his girl, even more if we impregnate her before hand” they all laughed at it. At the end of the street she turned left toward Cavendish Square Gardens, but knew it was getting closer to the headquarters so she went straight to Chawdons street and turned right into Portland place. 

The voices were far but she could still hear them. At first she wanted to go down to Regent street and run home, but then she saw remains of the church with a small opening between the walls. Even if they find her they will not be able to get in, she quickly inserted herself into the slot. She heard them going past. 

“Where did she go?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Are you sure you saw her?”

“Yes I am sure.”

“Come out, come out wherever you are.”

“Come on girl! Let us fill your hole with our loads!”

“Fuck we lost her! I am going to fuck you in your ass Niko! You gave me hopes for a fuck and they need to be fullfield.”

“Oh… not again.”

She was lucky, they were not pursuing the chase because she recognised at least six voices. She would not be able to defend herself. She heard their voices fading and she thought that they were going toward Regent’s park, so they were probably going back to Baker Street, to the headquarters. 

She looked around at the debris of something which used to be an evangelical church. There was not much room to move yet she managed to sit down with her legs against her chest. She was too afraid to go home so she lied down for a moment but the sleep did not want to come. When she opened her eyes in that position she noticed a hole in the ground partially covered with a column. She went on her belly and crawled to see what was in there. When she could not see anything she listened if the voices were gone and when she was sure they were she took out her flash light and pointed it into the hole. She saw stairs and a possibility of goodies she could find took over. She went in. Baba often told her that there are graves under the churches, but she must not be scared as the ghosts – if they are any – would not harm her, unlike the living. She was not scared.

The stairs were straight for a while then went into a spiral. The difference in the air she was inhaling indicated she was quite deep underground. The descent took a while and she was slowly losing the hope for a nice loots. She took a few more steps and felt the stairs finished. Finally she shines the flashlight into the room expecting a row of graves. 

There were graves all right, but not a normal kind. It was a grave of the “techies” with lots of cables and screens. The guys from Selfridges will be pleased. She walked around between grey equipment which used to be a core of the civilisations, Baba told her. People used to record themselves on those small devices and putting themself out in the internet. Which meant that everyone in the whole world was able to see it even if they were thousands of miles away from each other. That was another thing which Lola’s brain could not comprehend. 

Along all those colourless things one thing stood out. There was an orange rectangle thing, with stickers saying “peace, love, freedom” and a smiley face and bitten apple. Lola picked it up and it was heavier than she thought it would be but it fit nicely in her back pack. The tech guys will be pleased when she brings it to them and when she tells them where to find more stuff. Maybe they will give her more lipstick, as she heard her belly rumbling.

She left her cover and with the awareness of her surroundings he went to selfridges. She used Goodge street so she approached the building from the back. There used to be many entrances and exits in this building but the techies changed that for security. Now, you can get in by only one entrance at the back which used to be a staff entrance. The Security guards knew her. 

“Lulu ! You are far from home! I saw a group of morons looking for some women, I hope you were safe?”

“Yes. I see them. I safe. Thank!” She smiled at Goliat, a big guy at the security check. She lifted her arms up but he waved her in.

“No need for that dear, go and find Zigi he is always very excited of what you bring him”

“Oh! I have lots this day!” She said, Goliat laughed and pushed her forward. She ran down through a few security gates which were designed to react only if they saw the weapon of massive destruction on her. Because she did not have any she ran through them with no problem. 

Goliat must have contacted Zigi through the little device all techies have because he was waiting for her and gave her a big hug when she approached him. She was not fully comfortable with physical touch, but she had a feeling he needed it. Same with Baba, sometimes she held her for hours, usually after visiting the techies. Even though Lulu was uncomfortable she thought Baba needed it, so she let her do it. 

“Lulu ! I missed you girl ! How have you been!”

“Good Good. I walk lots this day. I was chased but hide. No man put load in my hole. No no.” She waved her finger just like Baba used to do. 

Zigi laughed and said

“What have you got for me girl?” Lulu grinned widely and took out the orange thing from her backpack. 

“This” she said and opened the object “open like you like.” 

“Ohh yes” he hissed with excitement “Laptops. They used to be so common Lulu, everybody had one. This is a good one, it was called IMac. It used to be very expensive, lots of money” he rubbed his fingers with his thumb to let her know it cost money. 

“It had a completely different operating system than any other computer and I am very happy you found it as we don’t have one with this system in. If I will be able to make it work we can re-create it.” 

“I know more”

“You want to know more about laptops?” he asked confused

Silly Zigi, why would she need to know that? Survive or die that’s all she needs to know. 

“No no , Ziggi” she thought for a moment struggling to find the words “I know where more this” She said slowly gesticulating her words. Zigi’s eyes widened, he grabbed her hand and led her to the map. 

“Where, Lulu? Where”

“No far” she said, trying to find the church on the map. When she did she pointed at it and shouted.

“There! Tiny enter. Me yes, you no.” 

“Ok. I get it. The entrance is very narrow and only small people will get in. Are there doors or just an opening”

“No door, wall to wall” 

“Awesome! We will send someone now!”

“Also” she continued “this” she pointed at the laptop “at bottom, bass , bassss, grave!” She forgot the word

“Basement?” 

She clapped her hands

“Yess! Yess ! Long way down, need lots light!”

“Oh that’s amazing Lulu, Thank you very much. It is getting dark, do you want to stay for the night?”

She nodded, she liked staying here. Soon they took her to the children section even though she was much older than them, she liked to spend time with children. They were telling stories, like Baba and they had snacks so delicious she always had so many that she felt weird on her belly. Then they had supper and she went to bed. She missed the presence of Baba from the house but she slept well. 

When she woke up she went to brush her teeth and was getting ready to go back home when Zigi found her, took her hand and led her into the basement of Selfidges. She has never been in the basement. 

When she was coming here with Baba, she was the one who was going there. Lulu stayed up and played with the children. After coming back up Baba always had wet eyes and loved Lulu more than usual. 

It was a big surprise when Lulu saw people on the beds connected to some monitors with lots of tiny dot lights. She got scared and tried to get out of his grip, yet it was tight. That’s it she thought, he will get what all the men want from her. She will fight, but Zigi is a big man. They approached an empty bed and the man sat the little girl on it. Little bit with force as she was ready to fight.

“I will not hurt you Lulu. Listen to me.”

“I listen. You hurt me I fight.”

“I promise I will not hurt you. I will never hurt you after what you gave us yesterday. I will show you a different life, a better life. How wonderful it used to be. Do you want it?” 

She considered it.

“Like Baba had? All her stories?”

“Yes,  just like she had. Do you want it? After what you gave us you deserve a lifetime of happiness even if it is just fake. Do you want it?” 

“Yes” she nodded, not fully understanding what she was agreeing to. 

“Lie down then, I need to connect you. And listen – you need to trust me ok?” 

“Yes Zigi. I trust you, Baba trust you.” She lied down and closed her eyes to show him the trust. She felt something coming around her head cold and rigid. She heard a weird noise and she felt a stabbing pain on her temples. She opened her eyes to protest, but it was too late. Suddenly she went back to sleep. 

She was born into a family living in Wimbledon. They were trying to get pregnant for quite a while and when it finally happened they were over the moon. She was their rainbow baby they were waiting for. The overwhelming love washed over her when she saw the faces of her parents. She felt safe, loved and protected; feelings so basic, yet unfamiliar. She was a good baby, cried only when she needed something and woke up only once at night. Every single time her mother picked her up with a smile on her face. 

“I know, I know my love”  she was saying to the baby. Soon after dad woke up as well to support the mother when she was feeding the baby. Often he was holding them both in their arms and singing;

Sleep sunbeam

Don’t wake up till the morning

The moon shines bright

He would like to say goodnight

And give you his nice dreams

She was a curious and brave toddler. Momentarily a bit naughty, even. She loved trying new things; claiming trees or drawing on the walls. She adored spending time with her grandparents who were developing every interest she might have. When she was into dinosaurs, they took her to the river site where she was looking for fossils. They took her for a week to Disneyland in Paris, when she was into Mickey Mouse. She was the centre of attention when she sat at the table with her whole family. Many times adding the comment which was completely inappropriate at her age or swirling her juice in the cup, mimicking adults doing it with a coffee. Things like that made everyone love her even more. 

When she was ten she fell in love for the first time and when it did not work out, her heart was shuttered. Her mum explained to her that the nineteen year old neighbour’s son is not a suitable person for a ten year old girl. She cried her eyes out for a week. She was convinced she would never love again. She was creating scenarios in her head that in ten years time when she is curved in all the right places, they meet and he falls in love with her as well and they will live happily ever after. The pain she felt seemed never ending, but good.

When she was growing up she was challenging. She had her own opinion and never allowed anyone to talk over her. She knew what she wanted and never backed out, she knew her worth. She was not shy and she was comfortable with setting her own boundaries. Many people said to her mother she has a daughter with bad manners. But it was not so, she just refused to be locked in the box and do what she was supposed to do, just because of stereotypes. Plenty of times it created conflict between her and her mother but in the end they found the way back to each other. Truthfully, her mother was a little bit jealous that she found her voice and the mother never did. She knew that now.

She became a successful lawyer, who was fighting for human rights in 3rd world countries. When she was going to those countries she saw poverty, which seemed so familiar to her. She cried, ate and laughed with those people and she felt like home. She was very busy with her career, which affected her love life. 

Only when she was 29 did she meet a handsome doctor in Iran named Mateo. He was from Argentina and she did not like him at the beginning. He was just too much for her. Too self confident, too full of himself, too cocky, too tall, too handsome, too charming.

After working with him for 6 months they became friends. When it was time for her to go back to London, she realised she did not want to leave him. She dismissed those feelings and went back anyway. Only to discover that she misses him too much. They wrote to each other on a daily basis and finally he surprised her at her London flat in Perivale. After staying the night he proposed. They were married within the next 5 months, moved to a small village called Stone and tried for the baby.

After a few years of trying they gave up and adopted newborn triplets from Poland; two boys and a girl. Their well made life turned upside down and they adored it. The babies were growing fast and they soon became teenagers. They wanted to discover the place they were born and the whole family took a month long break visiting lots of famous places in Poland. 

One boy and girl left the house for university and another boy became a plumber. The parents were left alone in their big house. The rooms of the children were always ready for them to come back. 

Life was fortunate for Mateo and Lulu. Full of love, friendships, laugh, happiness, pain, sadness, grief; all emotions which made them humans. They lived to see 4 grandchildren and 2 grand grand ones. Mateo was first to pass, but Lulu followed only a few months after.

When the primitive computer biped Zigi removed the helmet from Lulu. She curled on the bed and cried after the life she lost but never had. Zigi comforted her for a moment and when she calmed down he said. 

“You are young, you will see this come back, with what you found we will create everything from scratch. I promise. That was a lot of emotions, sleep now my friend.” 

Sleep sunbeam

Don’t wake up till the morning

The moon shines bright

He would like to say goodnight

And give you his nice dreams